What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
