true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
