the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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