I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
