the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize