i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
