I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
