remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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