the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
