she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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