You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I CAN MOONWALK!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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