i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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