i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
