yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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