I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
