he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
