and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
