Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize