Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
