Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
