Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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