I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
