Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
