I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
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