I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
