New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
