Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
