at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
