Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
