So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
