my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
