remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
