If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
