Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
