walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
