Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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