mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
