I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
