party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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