Your mouth is God's brothel.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
