Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Oh god it's open bar.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
