Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
