Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
