Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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