Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
