So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
