Me. At least after what I've been through.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
