Having a random hookup so left but love u
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
