I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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