Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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