Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
