i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
