At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
