): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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