his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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