don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
