we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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