I wanna passion pit in your ass
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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