youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
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It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
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Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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