Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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