Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
