I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.