Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut