your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD