if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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