Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship