she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
