i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
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