i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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