he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
