please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Four minutes until I can fart!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
