Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
