I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize