i think my tv is drunk
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
