I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
