They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
