When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
