There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
