Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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