Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
